An Open Letter to the Malicious Stomach Bug that Took out Every Member of My Family This Weekend

Dear Malicious Stomach Bug that Took out Every Member of My Family This Weekend,

After your visit two months ago, I thought my message was clear. I told you to STAY AWAY. And I meant it. You wrecked havoc on all of us back in October. You made my 8 month old at the time, heave and puke her little guts out and watching her was the worst part of it all. You slapped my husband and sent him reeling straight to the porcelain gods and then you toyed with me. You made me think you wouldn’t touch me. And just when we all thought you were gone, you reared your ugly head, like the ugly bug you are and made me puke not once, but twice. I will never forgive you for that.

And then you left, on the whirlwind that you came in on. And we forgot about you. We thought your dreaded one per year visit was done and over with. We were wrong. We were naïve.

After a previous week-long sickness, an RSV scare and three days of fever, we were finally ringing in the New Year, albeit one week late. But then, late Thursday, a phone call, I should have known. It was YOU! What do you want from us, Malicious Stomach Bug that Took out Every Member of My Family This Weekend! Money? Do I owe you Money? Have I wronged a family member of yours? Have I talked about you behind your back? Wait, don’t answer that last one.

Like an arrow to the heart, you were quick to attack my daughter first. Couldn’t you at least let her turn 1 before you struck again, you evil bastard!?! An 11 month old puking her guts up is no easier to witness then it was at 8 months!

But to add salt to an open wound, you did this while my husband was gone. Had you been planning this? You foul, wretched, ugly bug, you. I could have killed you for your timing. And as usual, you hung around.

Did you know I had plans this weekend?! Did you know how HARD it is for all my girls from college to find TIME to get together? All at once? In the same city? Did you? You must’ve!!! I had been looking FORWARD to that trip, you jerk! Having a new baby doesn’t exactly lend time to hanging out with friends much – and you had to take that away from me. Didn’t you? You couldn’t STAND for me to be happy. Well I guess it’s you who’ve got the last laugh now.

Because we thought you boarded a plane last night. We thought you were gone. But all this weather change must of cancelled your flight. My husband called me this morning and said you decided to stay longer and that the target was him.

You bitch.

Regards,

Colleen Koenig.